I’ve got a problem, and I think you might too.

I’m impatient.

I hate waiting. It sucks.

Standing in line sucks. Waiting for food sucks. Being patient sucks.

Of course, the delay is agonizing for me, but I’ve also noticed I get irritated by what’s causing the delay in the first place. Especially if I feel that delay’s longer than necessary.

For example, when I’m waiting longer than I deem acceptable for my food, my impatience rears its head in two forms:

Yes, I need my food, but also “wtf is taking them so long?”

^that’s two separate issues I’m dealing with.

One’s about a wait for a wonderful meal I’m dying to have.

The other’s about someone seemingly not doing a good enough job - and that’s what I want to highlight.

I get impatient with others when my expectations aren’t met.

When they don’t follow my schedule. Or my rules. Or my preferences. Etc.

No one’s immune either. Not Soph, not my parents. Nor my friends. Definitely not strangers.

And none of them agreed to these expectations in the first place...

That’s the part that makes me feel the ickiest.

If things aren’t reaching the standard I feel they should, I might struggle with accepting that - in rolling with the punches.

It’s not fair to anyone.

I’ll be real here; that struggle happens because of my own expectations for myself. 

I expect perfection - or at least a perfect effort - in whatever I’m doing.

For the most part, that means controlling the controllables, using “common sense,” and giving it my all. 

In life, all three may not be constant priorities for others though. And honestly, I fail to do them on the daily as well.

So why do I lose my patience when these secret, unrealistic expectations aren’t met?

It’s not fair to anyone I’m complaining to, to anyone receiving my negativity, and it’s honestly not fair to myself to hold everyone to this “standard.”

And yet, here’s the Catch-22 I struggle with internally:

If I dropped that standard in one area, what would keep it from not slipping in another?

If I accepted others being super late to something, what would keep me from doing the same at some point?

My fear of precedent is tremendous.

It’s like the saying, “It takes 5 years to build trust but only 5 minutes to break it.”

I have the same idea when it comes to expectations and standards. If I accept it from someone else, why would I perpetually hold myself to something different?

Idk. It seems dumb now that I’m writing it out but it’s the truth..

So, for one, I get impatient more than I’d like.

And two, I’m scared to practice acceptance - how impatience is solved.

Great.

“Good things come to those who wait are grateful”

-Cal (meeeee)

Thanks for bearing with me while I broke it down up there.

I guess, what better time to be vulnerable than on a Sunday morning? :)

There’s a trillion ways to practice patience.

Meditative tactics are a big, effective category. So are cue-based methods like centering on a distant object for a few seconds.

So, here’s a category I’d like to share that you may not have tried yet - and I’m still trying this out so in no way am I there yet either!

The category is….

Gratitude, and here’s why it works for me:

I don’t have to drop my standard when I’m grateful.

I can still think it’s too long, but my focus shifts from basking in the “wait” to something awesome in the moment.

I do this by finding a single something I’m grateful for within the current scenario.

And I use the same phrase every time too :)

Waiting in line too long?

“Okay, but man, thank god I’ve got a phone to look at”

or,

“Okay, but imagine if my shoes were less comfy”

Someone’s asking a silly (dumb) question?

“Okay, but at least they’re making an effort”

And I know this sort of gratitude reset takes a second to enact in real time, but the reframe’s really helped me make the most of waiting in traffic too.

I think the reset works because it does two things:

“Okay, but…” has worked thus far and I’m taking a guess it’s because of those two reasons.

My impatience is a huge detriment sometimes. To myself and to others around me. It’s negativity, and I’m pretty good at the negativity if you give me the chance to spiral.

Yet, I think it’s safe to say we want to be primarily pleasant. I definitely do. It’s nice when we can roll with the punches. To not negatively spiral.

This might be the way that helps you stop the gloom clouds from rolling in.

At least for me, it’s stopped more than a few of those rainstorms thus far.

What’s one scenario where an “Okay, but…” statement might keep you cool?

I hope you leave this five minutes a little lighter than when you started.

-Cal

P.S.

How uncomfortable was it looking at the worst-case scenario?

Reply to this email. Let me know! It’s always uncomfy doing that exercise but it makes a big difference.