I’ve got a problem, and I think you might too.

I worry.

Like, a lot.

As you probably know from prior issues, I changed jobs a couple months ago and just moved as well.

What you might not know is I’m also celebrating 3 years of being with my lady today :) ❤️

Why might you care?

Because events like these are milestones, and milestones are a time for reflection.

They signify pivots in our lives - for better or worse - and what better opportunity to take a second to acknowledge our life than during one of these pivots?

For me, this past week was when I took some time to acknowledge it all.

Yet, as I reflected there were some spirals much less celebratory than just looking back at everything leading up to this week.

These spirals are what I’d call anxiety - worry.

The anxiety came because while these exciting things happened, my life didn’t just end when they arrived.

The new job didn’t mean I was done with my career. Nor does another year mean my relationship’s toast.

The anxiety from pondering the aftermath of these events left this past week’s reflection exercise much less fun than I originally thought.

Questions like, will Nevada treat me as well as Arizona did? Or, will my new boss be as great as prior ones have been?

What if the opposite happens…? What if this next year is the worst one yet with Soph…?

I’ve got allllll the way to this point, but as soon as I took a second to look back on my path, all I could think about was what might be around the next corner.

If anything, these milestones amplified my anxiety for the week.

Lol, and I thought a moment of reflection would’ve been more enjoyable.

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past.

If you are anxious, you are living in the future.

If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

-Lao Tzu

As you can see, I’m a worrier.

Some might say it’s chronic. I’d agree.

Anything I have that’s good, I don’t want to lose. Anything that could possibly go wrong, I don’t want to happen.

And I (unwillingly) make an effort to consider these negative possibilities quite a bit.

But what I hardly do while worrying is actually embrace those bad scenarios I create.

I was speaking with a friend about their relationship the other day and we agreed that focusing on the present would be the best scenario. They’ve been having some anxiety about it and some turmoil’s popped up.

You can’t control what happens in the future nor how a partner might act so it’s best to put energy towards something more controllable.

The present. What is actually going on in our life today.

In this case that perspective wouldn’t only help them live more peacefully, but also let the situation play out in the way it’s meant to play out.

But holy shit, is that hard to do.

This convo stuck with me, and so I started to think of how I manage to settle my anxiety sometimes (keyword’s sometimes. lol).

Here’s the strategy I use that works best to stop focusing on the future too much.

Go to the future once. Come to terms with the worst case scenario.

For whatever’s on your mind, think about the literal worst outcome that might play out, and acknowledge it. Actually think about it for a bit.

Don’t just do the usual vague visualizing dance of, “I hope something bad doesn’t happen” but avoid really detailing what it would look like.

I’m not saying go about every single day bracing for this to happen, but take a minute to think it through. There’s a fine line between constant rumination and seeing what’s scary for a moment.

But here’s my reasoning:

If you can be at peace with the worst case scenario, you can be at peace in general.

At that point, it’s already happened, and you’ve already prepared a bit.

It’s holding less weight because the outcome’s less scary because what would happen is less uncertain.

You’re better able to live in the present.

(Which isn’t where anxiety is, thanks Lao Tzu!)

It’s my take on the saying, “Play like you’ve got nothing to lose.”

For the most part, I think this idea is cliche. It’s also definitely tone deaf and unrealistic.

We’ve all got a bunch to lose. I don’t want my new job to suck or my relationship to crumble.

Yet, the idea does have merit, and it’s in the peace we experience when we’ve accepted what failure looks like.

In a twisted way, the fear is sort of realized, and that gives me less anxiety.

Maybe the new job doesn’t work out and I’m unemployed again.

Detailing what that looks like doesn’t make it any less painful were it to happen, but I’m no longer fearing it as much.

I’m no longer nervous to speak up at work if I see something against my values because of the potential repercussions.

I can operate as my free-ist, best self because there’s less fear of future detriment.

For all of us, operating in that space brings with it peace.

If you’re worrying about something right now:

A big change coming up, losing something, or even just about your team getting smoked by the Sixers this year (YALL ALLLL ARE COOKEDD), I challenge you to embrace the worst case scenario.

Sit with it for a second, and then listen to how you feel afterwards.

Yea, the Sixers might repeat this year and next, but Lebron will retire soon and life will go on :)

Anxiety is literally the chase to achieve certainty.

You’re not worrying about the worst case scenario as much as you are about what it could be, how it’d go down, and what would happen to you.

Throw yourself into the worst outcome for a second and you’ll find some reprieve on the other end.

We can handle it all, but we handle things better when we’re at peace.

Is it the outcome or the uncertainty in the outcome that’s driving what you’re worrying about lately?

I hope you leave this five minutes a little lighter than when you started.

-Cal

P.S.

Were you able to define those three values from last issue?

Reply to this email and let me know!

I literally read all the replies. Bad or good, they make my day.