Why I Keep Forgetting Things

My entire life depends on how organized I can be.

Any goal I have, any event I don’t want to miss, any item I need from the store, it’s got to be written down and placed somewhere; otherwise, it’s gone as if it didn’t even exist in the first place.

Throughout my years in school and afterwards, I created some systems that help me seem like a more thoughtful friend and a more efficient person. I’ve reduced the load on my mental by providing myself a space to remember everything.

I realized I had a problem when I started college. Before, in high school, I used to have one of those big zipper binders where I kept every folder, assignment, and tests I could’ve scored better on. When I got to college, I quickly decided there had to be a cooler way to track my assignments. There was no way I was heading to classes with that zipper binder in my backpack.

I tried the little notebook journals initially, but it was a pain to carry around everywhere, and annoying when it filled up or didn’t have space for a certain idea or random reminder I wanted to write down. It seemed too generic and eventually not feasible for me. I tried little blank-page notebooks next, but also to no avail. Then, I caved and bought an app. Except it didn’t help either. It was just a digitalized version of those notebooks.

Okay, I realize this is starting to sound like a long testimonial at this point so I’m going to pivot. Long story short, I started using my Notes app on my iPhone and everything got better. I began remembering more ideas and tasks, I wasn’t wasting obscene amounts of paper, and I didn’t have to carry around something else since I always have my phone on me. I’d love for you to check out what I created to help me best use the Notes app but really I just want you to keep reading. The Notes app is great, it might even help you, but the message below is more important so please bear with me.

It’s okay to forget.

It’s okay to miss an assignment for a class or space on a friend’s birthday.

It’s not the end of the world if you even forget to pick up your kid from an event at night and they have to wait an extra couple minutes at the field/building/wherever they might be.

Forgetting happens, and we are way too hard on ourselves because of something that is inevitable.

I find we cause more trouble for ourselves trying to make up for our forgetful moment than we did as we committed the act itself. The apologizing, the subliminal guilt forced upon us by others, maybe even the in-your-face consequences of our forgetfulness. Whatever the result may be, it pales in comparison to the guilt or pressure we then put on ourselves to correct it moving forward.

I think most of us are trying our best, and our best includes forgetting things. And that’s okay.

I hate the phrase, “Life goes on,” because when some things happen to us life doesn’t do anything close to moving on, but in this context I like it. Life moves just as fast after we forget something -some might say even faster for a little bit- it’s our attempt to fix it that exacerbates the situation. If we are just a bit more accepting and own our mistake without the added baggage, we can still wrangle that life thing to our liking as if we didn’t add to its intensity in the first place by having a brain fart.

Forgetting sucks, no doubt. But I think it could suck less if we didn’t expect it to never happen. If we aimed for our best, but realized our best comes not from being perfect in the attempt, but by being perfect in our reaction. By being accepting of our actions, and showing a calming presence in the moments that follow.

No matter whose birthday we forgot.

I write a biweekly newsletter on building systems so less falls through the cracks. Subscribe free at abetterlifeco.com.