Finding Your Voice

I like to write.

It’s a chore most of the time, no doubt, but once I come up with a post or something, I’m usually pretty glad I did it. Even at the end of a technical report in college, I still felt pretty proud of the material and my efforts behind it. That I put something tangible out there I can’t take back is exhilarating to me. I have to stand on what I said and I enjoy that “judgement day.” Good or bad.

I think I enjoy writing and that thrilling feeling of producing something because I like to be heard. Particularly with writing, I don’t have to compete with others for attention either. There’s no shouting over someone, no attempt at a funnier joke in the heat of the moment, or anything else that one might feel obligated to do to get attention pointed at themselves. You either read what I’ve said or you don’t. You either pay attention or you don’t. You’re choosing to give me your undivided attention. I like that.

Now I do have to say, I don’t consider myself to be someone that chases attention. Most of the time I’d like to think I give energy to whoever wants it at the moment but, I mean, who doesn’t enjoy making their friends laugh or getting everyone to agree on something? It’s a good feeling to feel!! But still, I appreciate the time someone gives to me and I do enjoy the energy that accompanies that choice.

For sort of the same reasons, the attention that comes with writing is also different than in other instances though. With writing, you really do have someone’s undivided attention. Even if they don’t read all you wrote, for those few sentences/paragraphs they did read, they were locked in. That intensity provides the opportunity for them to make connections. It gives the reader a chance to learn who you are. Even in a technical journal, there’s still some personality in the Discussion and Conclusion sections. These opportunities are where one’s voice can be seen, and with writing, it’s shown throughout your entire piece. Your voice is your writing. Which is weird, because your voice isn’t always your voice when you speak.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who says something and immediately regrets it, or said something too quietly on purpose because they were unsure if it was correct. With writing though, there are no take backs. There is no volume knob. The font doesn’t get smaller in hopes that someone might not read that part because you were unsure if it’s the right thing to be said. Other than the title, this whole article is in the same font — I honestly don’t think I can do anything about that either lol (shoutout Medium for making truly the most writer-friendly platform there is).

The point is, I really enjoy writing because it forces people to pay attention to my voice. At least for a second or two. Outside of this though, that’s not really the case. There’s the two examples I gave above and so many more where we just don’t feel we’re being heard, paid attention to, or doing enough to portray ourselves in the way we want to be portrayed.

A lot of the time our voice is either misheard, interrupted, or not heard at all. For most of these cases, I wish the situations were different and maybe what I’m to say next applies but I’m not too sure. I know there’s so many instances where it doesn’t matter what you say or do, the ones you want to listen just won’t… it’s a true bummer and I’m here to listen to anyone that needs that.

For this though, I want to focus on the folks who are trying to find their voice again. For instance, I just started a new job a bit ago, and a big focus of mine during this first month and a half has been finding my voice in the office. Finding where I fit in, finding where my opinion is valued, and just generally determining where my thoughts and opinions fit into this room of mostly strangers. Starting a new job isn’t the only instance for this either. I found the beginning weeks of any smaller-sized college class to be the same. The start of some get-togethers or parties where you may not know everyone’s name is another example. Basically, if you’ve found your voice in the past but are now stuck doing it all over, I want to give you some encouragement. Here it is:

Go be you :)

I know it’s easier said than done though, and I want to give you a really simple, silly trick that might work on top of the encouragement? Cause I do get it, you really can’t just go act like you’ve known everyone in that room for 10+ years. That’s just not how it works! You can gradually start to be more of your true self over time though, and there’s two things I find so so helpful to this.

The first isn’t the trick I mentioned but as I was writing this I thought of it:

Don’t forget why you’re in that room.

For almost all of us, gone are the days where our parents or someone else got us into a class or group without any preconceived evaluation of us. Today, we step foot into almost every room because we either own the room or we were invited. Even for every single college class we’ve all taken, we had to test into the school itself, and then someone had to approve our choice to enroll in that class. There was at least some external thought put into whether you should be there and they thought you should be. This means you bring value to that room. DON’T EVER FORGET THAT. You add value to every room you step foot in!

The second thing I’ll mention is my fun little trick I like to use. Maybe you do it already, maybe you don’t. What helps me gradually find my voice and comfort in a new environment is to say your name to yourself while using a little bit of positive self-talk. It’s so cliche but I truly feel it works. Even just one little positive sentence you can repeat to yourself helps put you into a more comfortable and familiar space where you can thrive.

For me, when I work out and things are getting tough I like to say, “you got this buddy.” I know that’s different than speaking up during a work meeting but I think they’re equal difficulty. Those lat rows are hell man! Regardless of whatever your phrase is though, make it short, sweet, and de-escalating. It should bring you into a more comfortable mental space. After all, we become our truest selves when we’re comfortable.

I hate long articles so I’m going to wrap this up now. I hope this resonates a bit? Maybe even is a little helpful?

If not, that’s alright. You read at least some of this article and that’s all I wanted anyways. Just a bit of attention :)

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